Day 6

I woke up to another beautiful sunny morning. I went to work early today so I could get some things done while the office was extra quiet. It paid off as I got so much accomplished today.

Today was Lila’s funeral, what an hour filled with raw emotion. There were lots of tears and even some laughter. It was a perfect celebration of her life. I know she was there with us, I could feel her warmth. Such a personal ceremony, one of her friends read a poem at the end of the eulogy. I loved it and it is exactly how Lila lived her life.

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;

To find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;

This is to have succeeded.  ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was emotionally exhausted by the afternoon. On my walk back to work from the funeral I saw something sparkling in the snow. The sunshine was beaming on it, but I just kept walking. Something inside me said to turn back. It turned out that it was a shiny dime. I have heard that dimes are considered a sign from angels, however I have never ever found one on the ground before (only lucky pennies). I googled  it when I got back and it said when you find a dime, it is supposed to be a sign from the other side - family members, friends, and anyone else that wishes to reach out. The dimes usually appear when you are struggling with an issue or need reassurance in some way.  This made me smile and I had a sense of peace the remainder of the day. I was grateful for that little dime.

On another note, I booked a yoga/spa vacation on the weekend. I have never been outside Canada or United States before as I usually spend my vacations visiting my parents in Florida. Well nobody told me that you needed 4 needles to go to Mexico, I nearly passed out when I found out yesterday!

I have a tremendous fear of needles so that news felt like a deal breaker – too late though, the trip is already bought and paid for, no turning back. The needle phobia stemmed from a traumatic event in my childhood, back when I got my booster shot before grade one. I remember the nurse showing me the needle and I immediately screamed. She instinctively slapped me across the face to try to calm me down. Sadly it was the wrong thing to do as I have been afraid of needles ever since.  I don’t cry or scream, it is the anticipation of the needle that scares me the most and I internalize it, a feeling of anxiety is how it would be best described. Fear on the inside.

I am very grateful for my amazing doctor and nurse.  They have been my doctor and nurse since I was born. They know everything about me, including my fear of needles. So today I went in with no expectations, and surprisingly it was a pretty good experience, not fun but I really did good. I think this trip may just get me over my fear of needles. The next needle is in a week, we will see ;)

A good friend shared this video with me a few months ago. Tonight I felt like watching something uplifting and this came to mind. "A Story for Tomorrow: A Cinematic Meditation on the Human Condition". If you don't have time to watch it all, start video at 3.04.